Almost everyone is capable of some manipulative or controlling behaviour from time to time – we all want to get our way or win the argument. But there is a line between wanting to win and being abusive. Remember that abuse is not always physical. It can be emotional or controlling behaviour. Both guys and girls can be abusers.

• If you do these things, you could be an abuser:
• Keeping track of what your partner is doing all the time. *Constantly acting jealous and not trusting them.
• Preventing or discouraging them from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
• Getting angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
• Controlling all the money.
• Humiliating them in front of others.
• Destroying their property or things that they care about. *Threatening to hurt them or hurting them.
• Using or threatening to use a weapon against them.
• Forcing them to have sex with you. *Blaming them for your violent outbursts.

You may notice yourself:

• Pacing the floor.
• Clenching and unclenching your fists.
• Shouting or yelling.
• Actually getting violent.

If you recognise more than a few of the above warning signs, it’s time to take a closer look at yourself. These are signs of being abusive. It’s time for you to speak to someone and get some help before you hurt someone.

Need to talk to someone? Call the 116 helpline under Lifeline Zambia or visit our help pages below.