You think you are being protective and looking after her. That’s what men do, isn’t it? Or you may think that YOU are his girl and you have a right to know where he is. Doesn’t it show you care? Sometime you think you may have gone too far. But you are not sure you can trust them.

Control often starts with something small. You may comment on why she shouldn't wear a particular dress, or question why he is speaking in a certain way. You may not like the way she is talking to you, or the way he looks at that other girl.

Signs you may to be too controlling? You:

• Regularly put your partner down in front of others
• Shout at your partner
• Act badly around people your partner cares about so you avoid seeing them
• Belittle them when they have good news
• Blame them for your behaviour
• Treat them more like a possession than a person
• Get very jealous or possessive
• Control where they go and who they see
• Stop them seeing family and friends
• Control things like money, phone or car
• Check up on them

Controlling behaviour is not about caring and protecting another person, it is about taking away their independence. It is the first step to abuse. If you think you are controlling, it is time to get some help. Call the 116 helpline under Lifeline Zambia to get advice.

Are you under someone's control? NewGirl knows what it feels like. Read her story below.